The Perfect Storm

Originally Published September 20, 2018.

7:30am. The dreaded buzzing sound of John’s alarm clock fills the room, much to John’s disgruntlement. John lies on his bed for a long ten minutes, mindlessly staring at the ceiling as the repetitive buzzing slowly drives him insane. At last, John slumps from the bed like a zombie with a groan and a sigh. He finally gets a sliver of motivation to start his day. He puts on his regular suit and tie and hastily brushes his teeth before popping two pre-made waffles into the toaster. He pours himself a glass of water and chugs it down. Then, he grabs the waffles and his car keys before dashing off to work. On the way, he stops at his local Tim Hortons and orders his usual; a medium black coffee. It all seems like a regular old day in the life of John Miller.

John arrives at work and greets his coworkers and his boss with his laughable attempt at forming a smile this early in the morning. He had scored an awesome job at an accounting office after University, and saying the pay was impressive would be a tremendous understatement. However, this all came at the cost of terribly long work hours and a incredibly boring job, which often made John forget sometimes even the most important of things. Before he knew it he was typing away on his computer in his cubicle and punching numbers into his calculator, just as usual.

After a long and dreadful five hours at work, it was finally time for his lunch break. He stood up and slipped on his jacket, eager for his one hour of free time outside of his dreaded cubicle. As he puts on his coat, he spots a picture of his girlfriend, and now fiance, Sarah Wright. That’s when he remembered, and as soon as he did a sudden wave of panic hit him like a truck. He was getting married today, and he had forgotten!

“How can somebody forget their own wedding?” John thought, panickedly.

John glanced at the clock. He now had to pick up his wedding suit, pick up his wedding rings, hand the rings to his best man, and prepare his wedding vows, all in a mere four hours. It was a daunting task, but Sarah kept him going. Without a moment to waste, John sprinted off to his boss’ office, coat in hand. He explains the situation to his boss, to which his boss was fortunately very understanding and allowed him to clock out for the rest of the day, if not a little puzzled as to how someone could forget their own wedding. John thanks his boss, meaningfully but panicked, and sprints off out the doors of his office into the parking lot. He slides into his car, turns the ignition, and cranks his rock playlist to max volume. (he has to get himself pumped up somehow, right?) First stop, the dry cleaner’s. In the blink of an eye he zipps off in his car, his veins running cold as ice. He turns the corner and onto the freeway, only to see a traffic jam for miles on end.

Finally, after repeated swearing at drivers and crazy maneuvers, John finally makes it to the dry cleaner’s office. Within a stunning five minutes, John is in and out with his suit in hand. He throws it in the trunk of his old, beaten up Chevy and is off to the jeweler’s in a snap. He glances at the crimson glowing digital clock in his car. Three hours. He floors the pedal of his car, fueled by the sudden surge of panic and of course, his love for Sarah. Suddenly, from behind him, he hears the infamous sound of police sirens. He glances through his rear view mirror to confirm his nightmare. Reluctantly, he pulls over and winds down his window, waiting for the officer to walk up to his window in what seemed like the longest two minutes of his life.

“Do you know why I pulled you over today?” said the officer. “Yes sir. I believe I was speeding.” replied John. “I’m sorry sir, but I’m really in a hurry. I have forgotten to attend my own wedding.” “I don’t buy it.” the officer acclaimed in a stern tone. The officer slowly wrote up a ticket and handed it to John before walking back to his police car. “Thank you for your time.” John glanced down at his ticket. One thousand dollars. Quickly, he wound up his window before letting out a bellowing scream in frustration. After a short moment, John finally collects himself, deciding he must go on. He speeds off as fast as the speed limit would allow him.

At last, he finally arrived at the jeweler’s office. Luckily, he had gotten the wedding rings made and paid for weeks before. He raced in to the jewelers office and was out in a snap. He tucked the two rings into his jacket pocket and raced off in his car yet again. Two hours. As fast as he can, John scrambles off to Mason Lux’s house, his best man. He pulls up in front of Mason’s driveway just in time to catch Mason entering his car. He was about to leave to John’s wedding, and he caught him just in time. With a panicked look on his face, John pops his head into Mason’s window.

“AHHH!” Mason shouted in shock. “John? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at your wedding?” “Mason listen to me,” John proclaimed. He reached into his jacket pocket and handed Mason the rings. “Here are the wedding rings.” “Why give them to me so late?” Mason asked. “Listen. I forgot I was getting married today.” John replied. At the sound of what John just said, Mason burst into a fit of explosive laughter for minutes on end. John definitely did not share his humour in the situation. “Mason! Mason! Stop laughing!” “HOW CAN SOMEONE FORGET THEIR OWN WEDDING?” Mason laughed. “There’s no time for that now. Quick, give me your keys!” John exclaimed, panicked. After a few long moments of continuous laughter, Mason finally tossed his house keys to John before driving off, still dying of hysterical laughter.

John sprints back to his car to gather his suit and immediately rushes back up into Mason’s house. Within five minutes, he stammers down the stairs still hastily tying his tie. He darts off into Mason’s study and desperately searches for a pen and paper, making a mess of Mason’s office in the process. With his hands shaking, he swiftly crafts up a rough but meaningful speech, as well as a list of his wedding vows. Finally, after a long thirty minutes, John roughly folds up his speech and tucks it in his back pocket while sprinting out the door to his car. He was finally ready to go. John hops into his car and turns the ignition, but the car refuses to start. He tries again, to no avail. Finally, he hears the infamous beeping sounds. Amidst all the panic, he had forgotten to refuel his car. He was on an empty tank. John repeatedly banged his head on his car’s horn in frustration. After two long distressing minutes. John thought of an idea. He darted back into Mason’s house and picked up his house phone. He had the idea of calling Mason to see if he could send him to his wedding, but he is sent to voicemail three times over. John lost all hope. There was no way he could make it to the wedding in time. He leaned over his car with one hand on the door, staring down at the ground in grief. He thought about his proposal, all the preparations done up; it was all supposed to be the perfect wedding, and at the epicentre of all its failure, lay John. Then, he thought of Sarah. Walking down the aisle of the chapel in her beautiful dress, only to run back out in tears at the absence of her beloved fiance; the dreaded thought was burned into his brain. He was not about to give up now, he had to find a way. “For Sarah,” he told himself. “For Sarah!”

Without a moment of hesitation, John raced back into Mason’s home. He glanced at the clock. Forty-five minutes. If he hurried, he might just have enough time to barely cut it to the wedding. John nervously paced around Mason’s living room, desperately thinking of a solution. Then, he spotted it. Keys to Mason’s motorcycle just sitting on the countertop, the sight of which brought an enormous smile to his face. John briefly stared up at the ceiling. “Sorry, Mason.” John quietly exclaimed with a chuckle. Immediately, he swiped the keys off the countertop and sprinted for the garage. He hit the switch to open the garage door and threw Mason’s helmet on before jumping on his motorcycle. It had been a terribly long time since he had ridden a motorcycle, but he had to do it. In the blink of an eye, John sped off. He cruised down the highway at top speed, refusing to stop under any circumstances. With just five minutes left, John finally arrived at the scene of his wedding. He threw off Mason’s helmet and made a full sprint for the chapel. He had no time to waste.

The intense laughter from Mason just a little while ago was long gone. He was now genuinely worried that John would not make it. Every passing second only added to his anxiety. Suddenly, John bursts in through the side doors of the chapel with a bang, startling the guests. He runs up to the end of the aisle and adjusts his hair as he nods at Mason with a smile. Finally, the main doors of the chapel opened. It was Sarah.

Slowly, down the aisle she came, her father in hand. She wore a stunningly beautiful pure white gown and a sparkling crystal headpiece. Her long, flowing brown hair draped over her back, and her beautiful blue eyes glimmered like stars in the dark night sky. John couldn’t believe what was happening. He was getting married to the most beautiful girl in the entire world, but even more than that, his best friend and a million other amazing things. John burst into tears of pure joy at the sight of her, the greatest girl on the planet. Eye to eye they stood, and Sarah gave John a smile. It was the most beautiful smile he had ever known. He pulls out his hastily written vows from his back pocket and says them, shakily but clear and meaningful. Finally, after a few short moments, the priest utters the famous words.

“You may kiss the bride.”